


'Hush, hush..'

by orphan_account



Category: Higurashi no Naku Koro ni | Higurashi When They Cry
Genre: Angst, Gen, angry, uhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 13:45:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15002141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "And I find it kinda funnyI find it kinda sadThe dreams in which I'm dyingAre the best I've ever hadI find it hard to tell youI find it hard to takeWhen people run in circlesIt's a very, very mad world...mad world..."-Mad World; Gary Jules





	'Hush, hush..'

"First things first, Mii-chan..." I said quietly, my eyes masked with my hair. "Hush."

I could feel you flinch slightly, your pale fingers gripping the soft cushion of your chair. You're not looking at me, your own sea-green hair covering your teal eyes. You're probably wondering why you're here in the first place, knowing you haven't done anything wrong. And you haven't. It was me who was wrong, and it's me that needs to apologize. But there are some things you still need to hear.

So hear me out, please?

"Mii-chan, look at me." I command, though my tone wasn't forceful.

I just made sure it had an edge. That's all.

Hesitantly, you look up at me, your eyes narrowing slightly. But just as quick as I could notice it, you make sure to soften them. I glare at you from behind my long bangs and lean back against my own chair, hoping to relax a bit before things got bitter. I wasn't even sure how to take my approach; angry or gentle.

So I decide to take both.

"Please, won't you push me for the last time  
Let's scream until there's nothing left  
So sick of playing, I don't want this anymore  
The thought of you's no fucking fun  
You want a martyr, I'll be one  
Because enough's enough, we're done."  
-King for a Day; Pierce the Veil ft. Kellin Quinn

"You probably thought I wouldn't find this." I slam a thick book onto the table in between us, which causes her to jolt in surprise.

I feel a smirk appear on my face, though it was barely there, almost invisible. Your eyes widen as you read the white letters printed on the black hardcover, D I A R Y. 

"Where...how...h-how did you get this?" You exclaimed, arms starting to wobble.

I know it's wrong to read through other people's personal things, but I had been so...so curious. Tempted, I looked the last entry you had written, only to be surprised to find that it was solely about me. And boy, was that thing bitter. You filled at least three pages about how much you actually detested me.

And here I thought we were finally okay, our friendship was stable and continuing to grow stronger. But calling me fake and a bitch? Mion, I had no idea you stooped so low. Of course, every word you said was completely true; I really was a sorry, self-centered person.

But you could have at least said it to my face instead of hiding your true feelings like a coward.

And don't worry, Mion, I only read the last three pages. I think I knew enough about how you felt from there.

"Mii-chan, Rena apologizes for looking through your things..." I say, bowing slightly in apology.

Not that it would matter to you anyway.

"But now that I knew of your feelings, I have to tell you some of my own feelings as well."

And this is where I use my angry approach.

"First off, I know of how hard your life is, being the heiress of the infamous Sonozaki family. You're branded with a haunting demon tattoo after switching places with your dear sister, Shion. You feel like a monster, I know. But the point is, you're having a much harder time than me, isn't that right?"

You don't make a noise, you don't even nod your head. You just stare at me with eyes shrouded with unreadable emotion. Was it guilt, after saying such awfully hurtful words that you poured into your writing? I doubt that, because surely after all that, I'm sure you don't regret saying a single thing. Was it anger, for putting you on the spot each and every time we hung out with the club? Or for calling you things I hadn't meant to say? Maybe it was that, but lastly, was it sadness? For not telling me sooner, afraid to hurt my already fragile feelings?

Honey, thanks for caring so much. I'm glad you never said, for my heart probably wouldn't be able to take the hate that would venomously spew from my best friend's lips.

But I would have rather wanted you honest, than topping your white lies with frosting.

"I've given up  
I'm sick of feeling  
Is there nothing you can say  
Take this all away  
I'm suffocating  
Tell me what the fuck is wrong  
With me."  
-Given Up; Linkin Park

"..." You open your mouth to say something, but you stop, going against it.

Were you going to call me an asshole? For looking through your personal treasures and using it against you?

I am not using anything against you. Don't you dare say that, ever. The only thing I'm using now is these damaged feelings buried within my black heart.

"Let me respond to some of the things you said..." I say, thinking back to your bitter insults.

Fake. Bullshit. Sorry.

"I'm the fake one here? Yet you're the one pretending?! I'll be completely honest, I did feel like I was using you for my own gains and expenses, but I do feel completely and genuinely sorry for what I've done."

Judging by the look on your face, you don't believe me at all.

Don't you?

"To add to that, you really didn't need to listen to me. I know I would've been stubborn about it and press you, but eventually, I would've let it go and do it myself. I do, in fact, need to be more independent and start to learn from my mistakes."

I know perfectly well how narcissistic I could be, and how much you're hurting everyday. But for once in your goddamn life, learn to see the good in it. Why, why can't you just fucking see that you are so much better than you think you are?! You are not the whorish garbage and slut you believe you are! You are my best friend, that needs to be appreciated by everyone, especially herself. Why can't you see that you deserve so much more than what you have now? Why can't you accept the truths I tell and stop pretending that I'm lying.

Because I'm not.

"And my problems...I'm sorry for dumping them on you. But let's be honest, Mii-chan, you're the only one who would truly understand and listen."

Since you're so full of fucking experience, right? Right?

"But it just hurts so much, to have an unrequited romance, to be with just my father, to be alone. But I can't talk right? I should just shut my mouth right now, because I have no right to be speaking. Especially since you've been through so much."

But you are not the only one hurting right now. Just because you have so many different experiences with your family, friends, and yourself. But were you ever aware of the pain that I go through? Probably, but they don't go on par with yours. So I'm sorry that my problems are so damn petty and not worth your time.

But don't make it sound like I have no right to feel.

"That’s why I  
Crawl along the distant past  
My wounds festering and peeling away  
So one day,  
The emptiness will disappear as well  
Dripping with gore like I’m throwing up again."  
-Drowning in a Wave of Sadness; Len Kagamine

"Next time, be brutally honest. I won't be able to stand the fact that my best friend is hiding such things from me." I snarl.

How do you feel when read what you've said about "poor" Rena? You probably feel good, right? All giddy inside since you hate me so much.

Tell me, how long has your side of this friendship been hidden and filled with despise and anger? Since the first time we met? Last month? Yesterday?

Please tell me, because I'll be more than happy to perform any kind of sacrifice for you. Just for you.

If only I knew sooner.

"But then you're probably thinking you're the only one keeping this bond alive. That if it ever crumbles into dust, it'll be my fault, right Mion?"

I know everything is my fault. And I know I've trash-talked before myself, but at least you knew of it. But yours was far more vicious and brutal than anything I've ever said to you. In fact, nowadays, I'm here helplessly trying to make you see your worth with what you call "sugar-coated" lies and excuses. Can't you see us as equals? You have your strengths and I have mine, but don't go around calling what I've been saying bullshit.

Because what you've been doing this entire was cake topped with whipped cream.

Did I ask for you to feel bad for me? No. Do I want attention and pity? No, I don't need or want people to feel sorry for me. What the fuck kind of assumption is that, Mion?! But you, whenever you get to class with that frown and glare while I'm here trying to make you see that the world isn't as bad as it seems, you decide to go along with it and add fucking strawberries to your cake of charades. If my attempts were so petty, you could've just told me to leave you alone.

And don't you dare say that I'm blaming you right now. I'm taking all blames, so hush, and continue to hear me out.

To add to your miserable form that you showed in front of everyone, everyone asked me what the fuck was wrong with you. But I swore on my life I would not tell a soul about your "secret" without your consent. Because I know how much you're suffering. But you're telling me, that I'm the one who wants the whole world to feel sympathy for her pathetic sorry ass. I'm sorry? But I'm not one who's sulking in the middle of class and responds to concerned people with "It's nothing."

OF COURSE IT'S NOT NOTHING, YOU KNOW IT ISN'T. Don't take your situation so lightly. Please.

"But once again, I should shut up and pipe the fuck down, because I don't understand how you feel. I don't understand anything, ne? I..am so sorry, Mion. Apologizing will never be enough."

You wouldn't want the sorry from a selfish person, would you? You think I want to be popular? Because that's far from it. I just want to be accepted and respected. That's all. Is there something wrong that? I hope you're happy. I hope you're so damn happy and proud of yourself that you've let out your bottled up feelings of bitterness. So again, I'm sorry for telling you my "fake shit" or for being so oblivious to the kind of sacrifices you put for me.

Thank you for that, by the way.

I'm also sorry for not being able to see anybody else's shit but mine. I am selfish. But if you're so angry at people for telling you their issues and concerns, then gladly tell them to shut up. Just do it. Tell me that I'm an asshole, tell me how fake I am, tell me how much you loathe my entirety. Tell me. 

Because I don't believe in bullshit like that either, honey.

"It's been a long time coming  
And the table's turned around...  
...You can treat this like another all the same  
But don't cry like a bitch when you feel the pain...  
...This is hardly worth fighting for  
But it's the little petty shit that I can't ignore  
When my fist hits your face and your face hits the floor..."  
-You're Going Down; Sick Puppies

"I know that I've been completely unfair and blunt about your emotions, Mion, but why don't you swallow your words, huh? Because this hurts way too much." I cry shakily, averting my eyes.

The Science of Hypocrisy is golden. And I'm sure we can both agree on that.

So the next time you ask me what's wrong, think about what you've said, okay? I'm going to deal with it myself from now on, and I'll only rely on myself. Better yet, I'll deal with it with somebody else. Someone who won't backstab me like that. I'm sorry I had to burden you with such stupidity and foolishness.

But if you're thinking I'm breaking my friendship with you, I'm not.

This is something that I hold close to my heart and it's absolutely one-of-a-kind and irreplaceable.

This is where I take my gentle approach. The approach with the most meaning.

"You may think our friendship isn't perfect. But I'm satisfied. I don't need the sleepovers, though it would be nice, ne? I don't need to spend every second of my life with you to be happy with you, or to know that we're best friends. We're practically sisters, Mion!" I exclaim.

You have been silent the entire time. Your shoulders, they're shaking. From anger? Or sorrow. I can't tell which.

"Shion can't always be there for you, unfortunately. But I can promise you, that I'll never abandon you. Not after I have before."

I'll admit that in the past, I've wrong you. I was in no place to do what I had been doing. Again, I had absolutely no right. I know I hurt you. But I do hurt too. I do get lonely too, and I just want someone to show that they cared. I guess that does mean I'm a pathetic attention whore, doesn't it? Haha.

But I really am sorry. And you probably won't forgive me.

"But if you allow our friendship to flourish beyond this point and let me embrace you, and not just you, but both the good and bad within you; who you really are, then let's vow to never hide things from each other again. I don't..." I pause, wiping my eyes. 

"I don't want to lose you."

"Devotion, Devotion...  
I'm a slave unto the mercy of your love  
For so long, I've been so wrong  
I could never live without you  
Devotion, Devotion  
Take me to safety"  
-Devotion; Hurts ft. Kylie Minogue

**Author's Note:**

> If this made little to no sense, I see what you mean.  
> sorry....


End file.
